Our minds are the most infinite thing that we know of in the universe. They can take us beyond the edges of the known realms of our reality and be our worst nightmare. Entrapping us in a tangled web of destructive thoughts, patterns, and filters. How is this? Why is it that our brains don't follow the seeming patterns like everything else in our world does? Well I think it's because it does follow those patterns, but because we are inside the pattern, the ghost in the shell as it were, we are not aware of it unless we put a lot of space in our thoughts between what we are and the idea of what we are.
In physical systems entropy is randomness, it is when things try to reach a homogeneous state. Everything is the same.... nothing different. I think that the entropy of the mind is a state like this that is reached via entrapping patterns. We get in a rut, we don't trust ourselves, we feel like all those people out side of us have it better, are doing better. The feeling of inequality builds and builds, and builds, until we have to bring it to some equilibrium. This thing feel, I call depression. The black hole that stands between you and the outside world that seems to do it's best to draw you into a state in which there is no return. This void is void in it's truest state, there is nothing there. It slowly pulls you apart until you are just a shell, no ghost left.
But how do you see this, if you are exposed to this void throughout your whole life. If you are fighting to be your self against the inward push of a destructive, belittling, wants to use your emotions to turn you into a good little consumer, society how do you see the void.
For me it was putting space between me and the idea of me. By giving my self space, mentally and physically, between the entropy in my mind and the inward push of life around me. With that time to myself I was able to feel ok with who I am. To allow the people who cared about me and showed me that care in a constructive way into my life. I was also able to push out those who were not constructive to my life.
But to do this I had to break my self down, I had to jump into the void so I could understand it.
So that I would not get lost in void, to get scare of the void and become lost in fear. I want to understand the void, I want to know that darkness, to have it wrap me up and fill me. Because in knowing something, you are no longer afraid of it. In knowing the darkness I can move forward through it. By applying my understanding it is no longer entropy, trying to break me down. But a new, undiscovered frontier of my own mind. Ready for me to explore and to find my self a new.
No one knows everything about you or anything else. I feel the biggest trap is to stop learning about yourself. To think that it is over and there is nothing more to find. I feel this is what starts mental entropy. You, just like the universe, are constantly changing, never static. To delude yourself that you are static is to invite the fear of the void into you, to start the destruction of your own mind.
But you are also your self, you are not other people. Your are not at their whim of thought or action. They don't know better than you, they know differently then you. In this a responsibility to balance comes to play. A responsibility to listen to your own needs, your own thoughts and feelings. You are not part of a machine in which you can be replaced. You some one who as the ability to choice to live. Either via action, or lack of action.
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