Mindfulness and finding beauty in the darkness.

What is mindfulness, I could define the word but that would not define the state of mind.
I could define that state of mind with in my own mind, but that would not give you any understanding of it.

I think this question may be better asked as "What leads to mindfulness?"
But asking this is like asking, "what is random?" *Ref: What Is Random? :Vsauce:

So let us ask, what is NOT mindful?


This question was inspired by and Andrew Huang song, Los Angeles ft. Ally Rhodes.
The song talks about the fast life of LA, people looking to become rich, famous, to find that road to the top of our societal ranking.
But as the song goes on, "What the hell am I doing drinking in LA?"
In seeking some kind of meaning among the overwhelming stream of information, the stories of success, and stories of "people who made it". Keep seeking, keep drinking, keep talking, but no one can tell you what it means "to make it". So keep seeking more stimulation, more highs, more, and more, and more!
"If you're not careful, you might disappear.
Into the soundscape of the walls of the city."

"Stream of consciousness nobody filters,
Got to learn to fit in with the killers."

To fit in, you must lose your self. To fit in you must find meaning in "stuff", stimulation, the newest fad, more money. But in seeking to find your self via external things you lose your self to flood of external "stuff".

This is what I think is opposite of mindfulness, losing your self to the out side world until you are but a cork bobbing about in the turbulent sea of "trends".

When this becomes a habit, a pattern that builds it's hard to break. It seems this is the only way to live because it is what you see. Forming an echo chamber based on self biasing, creating your prison, your own hell.

It's easy for someone to say, "Just stop", but it seems nothing in the world of the mind and habits are that easy.
So "What leads to mindfulness?"

I'm not sure of the answer to that.
I think it starts by looking inward, understanding self, and getting to a point where self trust is greater than... something, I'm not sure what.

The actions that lead to mindfulness are different for every one, I do a lot of reading from the Tao Te Ching, *An On Line Version*, I read a lot of  Buddhist texts and enjoy reading the teachings of the 14th Dalai Lama *His Web Site.*

But these are just actions, they are not the state of mind. That is up to you.

As a parting thought on this, I recall a moment when I was deep into a bout of depression, I was walking home from work on a very cold and snowy evening. As I walked home along the snow covered fields I watched the snow drift across the road the dead fields. I knew I was in depths of death here, the world was sleeping in a cold death around me. It hit me then that I was in the depths of a kind of death, a death of the mind. My mind was slow killing it's self, slow sinking into a darkness that I didn't even see. I walked out into the middle of one of the fields I walked by and just stood there, watching the snow drift by me in the darkness. There was a kind of dark beauty to that moment. Watching the cold stillness and letting me self feel that cold dark death filled stillness. That was one of the moments I felt I was very mindful. I saw beauty in death, I saw how amazing darkness is. I don't know every thing that lead to it.

I feel that working on that mindfulness helps me to prevent disappearing in the soundscape of the city, As Andrew's songs says. It seems to give me some kind of reference that keeps me from getting lost, it helps me to see that the world is an amazing place, even in the Coldest Darkness.

There is no need to fear the void.

  Our minds are the most infinite thing that we know of in the universe. They can take us beyond the edges of the known realms of our reality and be our worst nightmare. Entrapping us in a tangled web of  destructive thoughts, patterns, and filters. How is this? Why is it that our brains don't follow the seeming patterns like everything else in our world does? Well I think it's because it does follow those patterns, but because we are inside the pattern, the ghost in the shell as it were, we are not aware of it unless we put a lot of space in our thoughts between what we are and the idea of what we are.

          In physical systems entropy is randomness, it is when things try to reach a homogeneous state. Everything is the same.... nothing different. I think that the entropy of the mind is a state like this that is reached via entrapping patterns. We get in a rut, we don't trust ourselves, we feel like all those people out side of us have it better, are doing better. The feeling of inequality builds and builds, and builds, until we have to bring it to some equilibrium. This thing feel, I call depression. The black hole that stands between you and the outside world that seems to do it's best to draw you into a state in which there is no return. This void is void in it's truest state, there is nothing there. It slowly pulls you apart until you are just a shell, no ghost left.

          But how do you see this, if you are exposed to this void throughout your whole life. If you are fighting to be your self against the inward push of a destructive, belittling, wants to use your emotions to turn you into a good little consumer, society how do you see the void.

For me it was putting space between me and the idea of me. By giving my self space, mentally and physically, between the entropy in my mind and the inward push of life around me. With that time to myself  I was able to feel ok with who I am. To allow the people who cared about me and showed me that care in a constructive way into my life. I was also able to push out those who were not constructive to my life.

But to do this I had to break my self down, I had to jump into the void so I could understand it. 

So that I would not get lost in void, to get scare of the void and become lost in fear. I want to understand the void, I want to know that darkness, to have it wrap me up and fill me. Because in knowing something, you are no longer afraid of it. In knowing the darkness I can move forward through it. By applying my understanding it is no longer entropy, trying to break me down. But a new, undiscovered frontier of my own mind. Ready for me to explore and to find my self a new.

            No one knows everything about you or anything else. I feel the biggest trap is to stop learning about yourself. To think that it is over and there is nothing more to find. I feel this is what starts mental entropy. You, just like the universe, are constantly changing, never static. To delude yourself that you are static is to invite the fear of the void into you, to start the destruction of your own mind. 

But you are also your self, you are not other people. Your are not at their whim of thought or action. They don't know better than you, they know differently then you. In this a responsibility to balance comes to play. A responsibility to listen to your own needs, your own thoughts and feelings. You are not part of a machine in which you can be replaced. You some one who as the ability to choice to live. Either via action, or lack of action.